I had waited excitedly for three months, and the day finally arrived. On November 5, 2018, I was at the Miami airport, about to board a full flight to Havana, Cuba, for a 30-day visit.
I traveled with my Cuban friend Ursula, whom I had known for about nine years. We were met in Havana by her son and driven through crowded, colorful streets to his home in Miramar, near the water. My reasons for visiting were simple: experience the people, music and culture, swim, and dance. I was in for a surprise.
At the house, I met a soft-spoken young man named Alain, a cousin who had come from Sagua La Grande to help with repairs. From my arrival until my departure, Alain and I formed a natural and strong friendship. During the day he worked while I explored Havana and became part of the household. At night we watched movies, talked about life, family, philosophy and music, and laughed a great deal.
Four days before I was to leave Cuba, our friendship became a romance. Despite the distance and our age difference, the relationship continued through telephone calls, internet messages and video. Nearly four years later, on September 5, 2022, he arrived at my home in New Mexico.
What a long-distance relationship requires
Our story has taught me that distance can deepen communication, but it can also hide important realities. These suggestions apply whether two people meet while traveling, through friends or online.
- Be cautious with internet romances. Affection can develop quickly online, but trust should develop through consistent evidence.
- Ask many questions. Learn about daily life, family, work, values, expectations and past relationships.
- Listen intently. Notice not only what is said, but whether words and behavior remain consistent over time.
- Watch for major red flags. These can include refusing live video contact, vulgar or manipulative language, excessive flattery, requests for money, changing stories, inconsistent accents or identities, and repeated technology excuses.
- Meet family and friends live. Genuine relationships tend to become connected to the real people in each partner’s life.
- Spend meaningful time together in person. Travel, when safe and practical, reveals how a person lives and relates to others.
- Prioritize visual, real-time communication. Video contact can provide context that text and voice calls cannot.
Until you live near each other—or actually share daily life—reserve final judgment about permanent commitment.
No matter how ideal a romance seems, everyday proximity reveals compatibility in ways that distance cannot. Taking time, verifying facts and protecting your financial and emotional well-being can create a safer path toward smoother sailing.